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What to do in a fire…

OK so I”m doing better or maybe just getting a chance to do N1L made me feel better. The show was about the fire but also about communication systems in disasters (dude we have to do some media literacy). Things are sad and muddled and confusing for me right now and the emails and support from friends,family and listeners has meant so much to me…this email in particular made me crack up. Joel was supposed to be on our show last week and I told him the show burned and we’d have to redo the show someday…when we get equipment and I’m not busy crying and such…haha.. Anyway here is his email and you can check out his website at http://www.happyjoel.com

Thanks Joel for making me laugh!!!

AND many thanks to all of you who have written and sent your cyber love and support. I really need it right now. Sergeant Johnson got a new cat toy from his knight in kitty nip friend Jordan who is owned by a cat named Marvin –anyway Mavin told Jordan to send over a kitty toy to S.J. and now Sergeant Johnson is actually playing again! Yippy! MANY thanks to Pets Unlimited for taking such good care of him AND covering his medical bills (they have a policy of covering burn victims…) and he may be bald in spots but hey he did it before Britney…he’s a trend setting cat.

Here’s the note from Joel!!
===========================================================================
First off,I’m really sad to hear that,and I hope you can come out of it okay. Second,here’s the ideas I have,maybe one of them will work. (i hope none of them are insensitive)

1) Sell things that are burnt or semi-burnt on eBay saying they are from the “Great San Francisco Fire”and have great historical significance.
2) Get a fireman’s hat,and set up a stand for people to take pictures wearing the hat in front of the burned out rubble for five bucks a polaroid.
3) Make a 15 minute video of “fun things to do in an apartment that’s burned down”and burn a few DVD’s of it,and sell them around to friends,co-workers,on the street,online,etc. Things you could
include are:
a) playing chutes and ladders
b) a fire sale
c) acting out episodes of your favorite TV shows since you can’t watch them anymore.
d) juggling?
e) calling friends and being like,“hey,what’s new with you,”and when they say,“not much,what’s new with you”you go through a bunch of random stuff,then say goodbye,hang up the phone,and make a “whoops!”face,at the fact you forgot to tell them your home burned down.
f) a song in the style of stomp
g) break things
h) Randomly dump buckets of water on things,just to show how vigilant you will be to never let it happen again. Start with a bucket on the kitchen floor,then dump a bucket on a table,then dump one on a cat or a dog as the punchline.
4) Make and sell popcorn in front of the apartment,but warn people it might be a little burnt.
5) Sue a death metal band and say playing their music backwards made you do it.
6) Sue an Asian rap band and say playing their music backwards made you do it.
7) Film hilarious alternate endings to:Backdraft,Citizen Kane,Chariots of Fire,and some non sequitor like Beetlejuice.
8) Film a short documentary like from TLC or Discovery,that talks about how “nature moves in cycles,and there must be destruction for life to bloom again”and then show a small green sprout rising up from the ashes. Do it in a British accent.
9) Post a notice on any film student message boards or bulletin boards that you have a burned down building available to shoot in for cheap.
10) Offer people a smash with a sledghammer on anything left in the house for 5 bucks a swing as a way to “release aggression”or just have fun or some such thing.
11) Same as number 4,but do it with brownies as a bake sale.
12) Walk up to your apartment as a person with a suit is walking past down the street. make sure you are ten steps ahead of them. Pretend everything is normal,then,when you come upon it,break down in tears and turn to them for comfort. Explain how desperate a situation it is for you,and see if you can borrow or have enough money to get a hotel room for the night. With as expensive as hotel rooms are in San Fran,that could be a hundred bucks a pop. Pull that 3-5 times a day,and you’ll be well on your way to getting stuff back.

I’ll let you know if I have any other ideas,let me know if any of these work for you.
Whatever the case,I’ll look forward to doing the interview again whenever you are back up on your feet again,and wish you the absolute best of luck.
Take care,
Joel

Sad news and call to action

I am sorry to report that Irene’s apartment burned down this past weekend. Fortunately,Irene made it out safely;her cats,however,were not as fortunate. Star died in the accident and Sergeant Johnson escaped,but is recovering from burns. Other than her coveted laptop (which she managed to escape with),Irene has lost most of her belongings and is now homeless and couch-surfing for a short time. (You can view Flickr photos of the site here.) Her friends are putting together living plans and item donations to help her out in this sad time.

Fortunately,you can help as well! Irene needs support and would love to hear from you. (She is indeed receiving email.) If you have enjoyed her work and her tireless personality,please support her in her hour of need.

We’ll share more news as it becomes available. Thanks for your support,both past and present,and stay tuned for the eventual triumphant return of N1L.

Want to Help N1L

We need help this new season. Ideas for shows welcome. Please keep the communications coming in AND we totally need some PR help as well as blogging link love. Plus if you have past shows you liked tell your pals because our shows are not time sensitive so if they like Noam have’m check out the Noams Listening show…AND this weeks show is going to be sooo funny and hot –it’s on Fads and social phenomenons which might never had been if it weren’t for our friend the internet…

please email me if you would like to help this season.

Thanks
Irene

Stupid Bowl Sunday

Happy unofficial second most important national hang-over day. I did not drink,because I was drowning in academic journals in an effort to graduate from graduate school. I AM getting a “graduate degree”so it would be a real pity if I did not graduate from my graduate program.

So I love that there is so much research put into debunking the spousal abuse Super Bowl sunday myth. Gotta get the facts straight on that one even though basically our entire television evening news is dedicated to various renditions of “experts said”or “they reported”myths on a daily basis.

Anyhooters,I have a question. In this consumer oriented landscape we all know the winner’s of the game have not yet won until they are shown drenched in Gatorade sporting their newly won championship t-shirt and hat (which are already the top purchases on the NFL homepage). Here is the question for all you sporty tv fanatics,what do they do with the product they made in mass quantities for the losing team? Meaning they must have all the hats and shirts and such made before the game day and they dole out the hats according to the winners,so what in the world happens to the boxes of pre-printed winner t-shirts and hats and such of the team that lost the game? Do you think they have to burn them? I mean I would think the non-winning shirts would become collector’s items because so few would have been produced for the event and production would stop immediately,but how do they control those shirts getting to the public…or even just getting out in general?

OK I will wait by my computer patiently until someone smart comes up with the answer for me. And I don’t want a theory I want it based in scientific research…awe I’m kidding –it’s just that I’m in graduate school frame of mind and that paper is haunting me.

I’m a loyal yellow Gatorade drinker by the way,I get so annoyed if there is only red or orange or blue…only yellow for me. GO Lemon-Lime thirst quencher!

OMG I’m so Excited

Yeah! Good news the new season is about to begin and I’ve already started recruiting guests. I try to wait until the week of (right like my procrastination is part of the plan),but I just had to get the phone and reach out and get the N1L season started again.

So much has gone on over winter break. First,I got a camera. Here watch the video my cats made,and really watch it. Unfortunately some people MISSED the part where Sergeant Johnson points at star with his tail –but it’s sheer genius…. that and the fact that my cat is blogging. Here is his video Sergeant Johnson is a supa sta

Oh and ps in kittygarden he’s learning final cut pro this semester,right after butt licking in public 101,so his video skills will only be getting better!

Scarcity and Fear

So I am working on my papers (yes it’s break and this is what happens kiddies if you ask for extensions…they haunt you like the New Year’s resolution you already broke) The entertainment industry is built around scarcity and fear…the two key factors that lead to war…Jobs are scarce and job security is nearly impossible to come by (dude Dave Chappelle left his own show and his show still went on with his name on it…I always liked Charlie Murphy but what’s that guy doing hosting the show without Dave…there are no friends in this industry…no one’s got your back even if you gave them a piggyback ride to fame)

We aren’t going to see a war anytime soon,or any sort of revolt for that matter and it’s too bad because the stratification of this industry and the industry professionals is the core of the problem and the groups which get formed inherently are based in alienating other people in the industry (DGA,SAG,AFTRA etc)…It’s a fundamental problem this industry has got to figure out and solve or you don’t want to be living in hollywood in thirty years when these 30 somethings are 60 somethings and unable to retire because they have no 401k,no health insurance,etc…

The industry is based on contract work. The only thing worse then part-time work (which many a feminist critic did critique as part of the scheme to keep us women folk down) is contract work. Imagine the health care system if it was BASED on contract work,you can’t…you can’t imagine how that could be possible…but the perverse way the entertainment industry got established you probably have an equally hard time imagining how the entertainment industry could function without contract workers,seasonal employees etc –It’s a totally backwards messed up abusive way of making something work,it’s like a dictatorship BUT TOTALLY different because there is no dictator…

No one wants to bite the hand that feeds it but let’s face it if the hand that’s feeding you is feeding you crappy fast food then bite the hand because you are being fed crap that isn’t healthy…Contract work is NOT healthy.

speaking of unhealthy I have to go to the gym now because it’s either that or clean…and neither task sounds too appealing but at least with one there is a chance of seeing some cute boys…omg I totally ranted alas that’s what blogs are for…

Funny Email From Newly TVless Friend

OK how funny is this email…and thought provoking too. There is a campaign once a year called turn off your TV week. I think I blogged about it before. I think we should get weaned into things like that perhaps I should shut off my tv while on the computer…oh no wait that would just SUCK. —–

Dear Trusted Local Friends,

As you all know,I love television.

I love the flicker of a newly lit screen,the feel of a remote between my fingertips,the utter laziness and dare I say Americanism I feel while engaged in the mindless pursuit of escapism bliss.

The rest of my loving family at xxxx Fulton St. feel differently about the TV and have as a result decided to cease payment of our Comcast bill,effectively staging their own “Coup De Television”to begin 2007.
For the next several months I will be in a state of mourning and will be turning our television into a shrine of sorts by lighting candles and leaving unopened tv-dinners in front of it as sacrifice to the television gods.

On the plus side I will probably be far more productive and may learn a thing or two by engaging in actual conversation with my roommates.

I am asking the members on this list to bear with me as I struggle through the certain pain and withdrawal I will be feeling. I also ask that you invite me over to each of your respective television sets no matter how big or how small for any viewable material that you feel appropriate to share with a friend (my show list ranges from HBO hits to MTV smut and all cable and broadcast network sports,series,and specials in between…there truly is nothing I do not enjoy watching).

I’ll always be glad to bring a bottle of booze,some of the afore mentioned unopened tv-dinners and any other television watching accoutrement you can think of.

Thank you in advance for keeping me in your hearts,your prayers,and most importantly your living rooms.

Happy New Year to all.

Cold Without Cable,

Mike

how low has talk tv gone…

OK –I am way more concerned about the people behind the scenes on this one…ok all expenses paid blah blah get that but then BEFORE makeover and BEFORE entertainment they offer in bold in all caps **CIGARETTES –I mean who would actually be like I was on the fence but then when I heard I would get a few free smokes I went…how did this get past management to be posted…

t a SECRET to TELL? TV Show (SOMA / south beach)
Reply to:job-242766983@craigslist.org
Date:2006-12-01,2:51PM PST

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If so….get a FREE TRIP TO CHICAGO + $100!
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No One’s Aging

…so I thought I was totally down with my age –then I find THIS in my inbox…. mind you I had a memory of an ambien induced online shopping binge from the night before…and apparently I raided my fave online vitamin store (yes,pause,vitamin store…)Puritan’s Pride…(no Turkey Day pun it’s like the best place to buy vitamins…) the email said thanks for ordering your package has been SHIPPED:

000330 STRESS B W/C-500MG TIME RELEAS Qty= 2
012547 WRINKLE RAIDERS CREAM Qty= 2
011805 DMAE CREAM Qty= 2
001840 ALOE VERA BUBBLE BATH Qty= 2
001024 VIT E PEEL-OFF FACIAL MASK Qty= 2
005470 CHAMOMILE EYE CREAM Qty= 2
012561 WRINKLE RAIDERS CAPS Qty= 2
002700 COLLAGEN AND PLACENTA CREAM Qty= 6
006780 SUPER NAILS Qty= 2
001831 EXTRA STR.WATER PILL TAB Qty= 2
069448 ZEROTOX WRINLE DEFENSE SYSTEM Qty= 1

I would like to put this in perspective –I don’t even wear facial cream. I went to the shop to purchase Fish Oil –do you see what is missing from that list…that’s right fish oil –DUDE I ordered something called placenta cream –and not just one –in an ambien stuper I purchased 6 placenta type products…

I’ll be right back I have to find out what it means when a product comes equipped with a placenta because last time I checked that was reserved for fetuses…they are stealing fetus food for my wrinkle cure…

OK back…let’s take it one step to the direction I was least expecting to go…sheep placenta –dude I bought 6 tubes of sheep placenta for my mug…

and collagen on the skin what was my theory on that one…I can’t afford to get it implanted and or shot into me on a regular basis I know if it’s diluted beyond reason and I rub it on my skin add a little sheep placenta…

Dude I better start getting ID’to purchase milk and cookies after applying this stuff to my face…there has to be a good umbilico cord joke out of this blog…

PS I purchased a WATER pill –A pill filled with water….

No One’s Borat

I have NOT yet seen the Borat movie as I think you need to come equipped with certain genetalia to run out opening weekend to see a man with a mustache traipse around in tighty whities…BUT I have already read an article about it…which is totally unlike seeing the movie but it makes me feel one with my animus –(it’s a fancy word for psychological male tendencies)

An I mus-t get back to the topic at hand…Borat’s getting taken to court yo. Not really,but the studio’s that made the movie are because of the drunk frat boys who apparently were coaxed into drinking heavily before being the movie shot by the shows producers…I guess these fellas look really really bad in the movie and their claim is that the production was not what it claimed to be and that more importantly they were not in a state where they would be able to read and sign the waiver…the boys are claiming they signed it after they started drinking…which they only did because they were encouraged to by the production staff…I would link to the article but my linking thing is not working properly so here you can cut and paste your way to the facts as told by CNN:http://www.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/Movies/11/10/film.boratlawsuit.ap/index.html?eref=rss_topstories

Is there a case? I am not sure…but I am sure that the boys were probably convinced that drinking was the appropriate thing to do before the shoot. They had try-outs for The Real World in Berkeley (on the Berkeley campus…) and I went to see what the try-outs were like now…I’m not kidding it’s the closest I’ve come to doing something publically activist-y. ANYWAY,the try-outs were held at a BAR. A bar on the campus,but a bar…. And who was the sponsor? Corona…that seems like an interesting sponsor considering the show recruits people from age 18 –25…. last I checked you had to be 21 to drink legally…last last I checked for most interviews you are not told by the production staff to losen up and have a drink before the try-outs…that’s right they were saying to the kids that were 21 to hang out and have a beer while they waited…hmmm….

So back to Borat –my new theory is that Girls Gone Wild and Boys Gone “That Guy”when drunk…you know “That Guy”that will do ANYTHING for a laugh…I don’t know how this will pan out…likely on the side of the studio’s however I guess I am just not into this ambush style shooting and editing where the shot becomes more important then the people you are shooting…I have not seen the movie…and I’m sure it’s so wrong that it’s funny but I bet it would seem really really wrong and very not funny if we heard from the other side of the story and the people that were duped for the sake of our not so cheap laugh…movies are like 10 bucks now huh? I’ll wait for it to come out on airplane….